I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
