Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
