the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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