I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
