Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
