That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
