I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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