she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
