If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
