how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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