The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
