I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
