turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
