too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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