I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
