happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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