But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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