And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need a beard to bite.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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