yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
