hotel room ftw
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
