I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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