Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
