Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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