Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
