I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
