i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
