Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
