This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
