this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
