she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
