Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
