How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
