i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize