He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
