just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
