I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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