the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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