Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
