wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
