My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
