so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
