shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
