Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
