Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
