the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
