those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
