So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
