It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
