thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
