I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
