I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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