1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize