What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
