i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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