it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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