everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
