I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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