I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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