I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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