the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
