I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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