I should be sponsored by Trojan
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
