i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
