The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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