his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
