So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
