but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
